Here’s the truth ladies – in our world of freedom, and free speech, people will forever talk, criticize, judge, disapprove and state their unwanted opinions.
Whether we like it or not, it’s inevitable. Inescapable.
Those are the hard, cold facts!
And being emotional, sensitive human beings, we sometimes take the actions and reactions of others extremely personally.
The major problem lies, however, when we let our ego, pride, fear, shame, doubt and worry get in the way of us going after what we truly want, just because we are afraid of what others will think and say about us.
I have 100% been there!
I remember just a few months ago when I was sooooo scared to post something as simple as an IG Story because I was concerned about what others would think of it. And let’s not mention the gut-wrenching fears and concerns I had when I made (forced) myself to get visible online as a blogger and a life coach, or posted my first IGTV regardless of the poor-quality and not having a clue of what I was doing. In the back of my mind I was forever thinking about the thoughts of others and assuming their opinions as if I were some type of mind reader *eye roll*
Taking full ownership over your craft…talent…skills…goals…dreams…and courageously running with it is understandably hard to do sometimes.
I get it!
For example, the mere thought of taking an idea in your head and launching it into the world as an extraordinary product or service, or quitting your job to build your own business or travel the world can be so daunting and paralysing. Especially when you announce your truth to those around you who have already labelled you as X type of person, or placed your personality and character into a box that they can understand and control.
Some self-paralysing thoughts we think include:
- I wonder what he/she would say if I did this?
- How can I secretly accomplish this goal without anyone finding out?
- If he/she saw me do this, what would they think about me?
- I bet he / she is not going to be happy if I did this…
Consequently, these types of thoughts eventually, inevitably lead us into a particular type of action if left unchecked – inaction. Thoughts become things. If you didn’t know that, now you know.
These types of thoughts will manifest into our reality as us holding ourselves back, putting on our own handcuffs and shackles, and playing small because we’re giving our power away to another person or persons – who most times aren’t even worth it.
RELATED READ: How to Exude Effortless Confidence As A Woman (Even When You Don’t Feel Attractive or Good Enough)
But alas! I have come bearing great gifts just for you!
Do you want to know how to get out of your own mental prison bars so you can go pursue your dream without the mental chatter of others getting in your way?
Here are the 4 secret ways only a rare few people understand when it comes to not caring about what others think.
P.S. Before we dive in, don’t forget to grab your FREE GIFT of Confidence, Charisma & Social Power right here…
1. Know that People Have No Control or Power Over You Besides What You Give to Them
Okay, get out a pen and sheet of paper because I’ve got an exercise for you. I want you to write down every single family member, friend, colleague, acquaintance, neighbour, random person on the street, who crosses your mind when you get anxious and worried about what people would think about you stepping out of your status quo.
….
Got the list written down? Great!
Now, you have to make a decision on each one. Decide with “yes or no” distinct certainty on questions like this:
- Does this person actually matter in the greater scheme of things?
- Do they pay my bills?
- Do they feed me, clothe me or shelter me?
- Do they talk to me or connect with me on a regular basis?
- Do they play a pivotal role in my life experience?
If the answer is “no”, then you must change your mindset girl. Choose to take back your emotional and psychological power from people who never actually influenced your life in any substantial way.
If the answer is “yes”, then you need to question whether or not these influencers support you and your dreams. If they support you then these are the people who would cheer you on and be your #1 fans if you chose to take action on your big dream! With them, you’re in safe hands because you know that whether you succeed or have challenges, they will always have your back.
However, if you have influencers in your life who do not support you (usually family / friends of course), then ask yourself, “Do I want a life like theirs? If I chose to listen to them, would I be happy and satisfied with my life?”
Most times, the answer is a big fat “NO”!
So take back your power my lovely!
Don’t allow anyone to manipulate your mindset.
Changing your perspective is key to taking back full control of your mind and your actions regardless of what people think or have to say.
P.S. Let’s not forget that many times people judge, criticize and become unsupportive, mainly because they’re jealous or are attempting to place their own self-limiting beliefs on your shoulders. Which means that there’s something you have that they crave. In that case, don’t kill your light for the sake of others. Let that bad boy shine even brighter!
As the saying goes: They want to see you do well but never better than them.
READ MORE: Top 7 Badass Takeaways for Women from the Captivating “You Are a Badass”: A Book Review
2. Service over Selfishness
Now ask yourself, who are the people in this world who need what I have to offer? Who are my ideal clients, customers and raving fans?
If I launched this product or service, who am I helping?
If I pursued this big dream of travelling the world…becoming a fashion designer….becoming an athlete…getting into real estate…becoming a teacher…[insert big dream here]…who will be inspired or influenced by my actions?
If you have a clear, focused idea of who your ideal target audience is, and you have a product or service or dream that can help them so much, then deep down to your tippy-toes you will realise that you have a duty to provide it or go after it.
When you focus internally on yourself, your own pains and challenges, and what others will think about you; you selfishly ignore / neglect the people out there who are suffering, are in pain, or experiencing trouble because you have what they need but you’re too scared to give it to them.
For example, picture a bride to be who can’t seem to find her ideal makeup artist for her big day. She’s tried so many make-up artists but the make-up is either too bright, too dull, doesn’t match her skin tone, and overall just not her version of wedding-photo-perfect. She’s pissed. Sad. Thinking of postponing the wedding. Confused and not sure what to do next. Then there’s you who specialises in the EXACT bridal make up she’s looking for but you’re too scared to go public with it.
What a waste!
Service over selfishness ladies!
Newsflash: it’s not all about you! You are not the star of the show.
It’s about them!
It’s about meeting the needs of others – in whatever niche or industry you’re in.
So to get over what others may think of you, you need to first get over yourself.
Put your focus on those people who need what you have, and get out there to serve them and add value to their lives. Focus on impacting lives in the best way you know how, and it will be very easy to stop thinking about what others have to say because whilst they’re busy with their chatter, you’ll be busy changing other people’s lives and your own.
Keep your eyes laser-focused on the people you want to serve, and going public with your big dream will be easier than you think.
3. Love & Enjoy What You Do So Much
Do you even have a joy / passion / excitement for what you SAY you want to do?
Ask yourself this every day.
If there’s a part of you that isn’t 100% confident about your big dream, then it will be easy to allow the perceptions of others to sway you till you just give up and throw in the towel.
But to get over caring about others’ thoughts and opinions you need to be as stubborn and non-negotiable as a mountaintop and the best way to be stubborn and non-negotiable about pursuing your passion in the face of adversity is to love and enjoy what you do, or want to do with OBSESSION.
The love you have for your product, service, target audience, big goal, will break through all barriers and boundaries because LOVE CONQUERS ALL.
And here’s the crazy ironic part! The more you love, and act on your big dream, the more you’ll see people’s hearts and minds begin to change in your favour without you having to influence, persuade or negotiate with them.
All on their own, they’ll come back to you with their tails between their legs.
So girl, be confident in your love for what you do, and own it like a boss babe.
You’ll witness before your very eyes that caring about what others think will become a distant memory.
4. Understand that People Don’t Give a Rat’s Butt About You
Saving the best for last!
So many women base their entire self-image on the way other people speak to them, look at them or talk about them.
They hold themselves hostage and refuse to leap into the great unknown of pursuing their bliss because their personal value or self-worth is completely wrapped up in the thoughts and opinions of others.
But the last secret key to not caring about what others think is realizing and getting it down into your brain cells that no one is really thinking about you at all.
Most people are so completely preoccupied with themselves, and the ups and downs of their own lives that they have little to no time to think very much about others.
That means you.
I read an amazing quote about this recently which says, “if you really knew how little others think about you, you would be insulted”.
So set yourselves free my darlings.
No one is really thinking about you at all.
So go pursue that big goal or dream of yours.
Over to You
Caring about what others think is such an easy thing to do, whether or not we have a big goal or dream to pursue. If left unchecked, we can self-sabotage the success of every last one of our desires because we’re too busy giving our power over to fake influencers.
But once you keep in mind these 4 secret keys to stop caring about others and what they think about you, then you’ll be unstoppable!
How do you handle not caring about what others think?
Share your awesome top tips in the comments below!
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