Ugh! Break ups suck soooooo bad! Getting over your ex is never an easy walk in the park, even if you invested 1 night or 10 years with that person. Just typing this sentence brings back to mind over 5 guys I’ve had to wave goodbye to over my 29 years of living ever since I was 13.

Yup! I started early.

Some didn’t hurt too bad and I was able to bounce back within weeks. Others, I needed 4-6 months to fully purge that person out of my system.

And although these people are no longer prominent parts of my life, the truth is that I can never forget them. Sometimes they creep back into my mind through the avenues of a cologne scent, a movie, a song, an instagram post or even a dream.

Whether I like it or not (not) their pages are written within the history book that is my life. Nothing I can do about it besides state gratitude for the parts they played in my life and the lessons they taught me about self-love, self-worth, self-respect, self-confidence, self-acceptance, romantic love and relationships.

For me, over the past 5 years most of my romantic encounters have lasted approximately 1 year. Always a grave disappointment in the end due to my own naivety in understanding how millennial men treat relationships nowadays, meeting men who are terrified of commitment, and me simply making poor choices in the types of men I invest my time in. 

Worst Breakup Story

My worst break up experience occurred after 1 year with someone I could vividly see myself spending the rest of my life with. I swear I thought I met the one! I invested soooo much of myself, my time, my money, my energy and my love in this person. Like I even surprised myself with how much I was able to give to someone else.

So imagine my dismay, disappointment and surprise when I discovered that this person could not bring himself to commit to me for the long term.

Talk about a knife to my heart.

Talk about a dream life crushed and trampled upon.

Talk about realising that you were taken for granted and played for a fool for 12 months

Talk about tears shed and a sudden onslaught of stress

Talk about rapid weight-loss because I literally had no appetite.

That breakup changed me – completely.

Against my wishes, I was forced to get over and move on from someone I wished to spend the rest of my life with. Ouch!

It took me 6 months to heal fully from this person, which can seem like a lot of time, or a little, depending on your outlook and relationship experiences, but honestly, the hardest parts of getting over this ex and moving on were accomplished within 45 days. 

As a firm believer in the law of attraction, I decided that this was the best, most successful long term strategy I could implement to heal my heart fast and make myself feel good about my life again. I opted out of falling into the arms of a random rebound, feeling sorry for myself or falling into addictions that could never help me upgrade my life such as drinking, or over-eating to numb my hurt feelings.

It was hard, but I refused to run away from the emotional depths of the situation. I allowed myself to feel all of the terrible, heart-wrenching emotions down to my core.

RELATED READ: Everything You Need To Know About Setting Higher Standards For Your Life (And Living Up To Them)

Why Getting Over Your Ex Sucks

People think that the worst kind of pain occurs when you break a limb, fall down, or get hurt physically. But the truth is that the worst kind of pain is emotional.

Nothing compares to the debilitating pain that the broken-hearted have to live with, and the only person with the ability to cure the hurt and the pain is themselves. You literally feel ill. You can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t smile, can’t focus, can’t socialize or do much of anything else because your heart aches so much.

So I knew that I wanted and needed to give myself ample time and opportunity to heal my wounds naturally, to the point where I can now write about my experiences without feeling heaviness in my heart.

Maybe right now you’re grieving the loss of a romantic relationship and doing all the wrong things or easy things to numb your feelings, cope with the situation and get you to forget what happened with your ex.

You’re drinking, partying, rebounding, becoming a workaholic, keeping yourself busy so you don’t have to think, eating too much, eating too little, changing your appearance, changing your location, going into withdrawal, and the list continues.

Typical relationship articles will give you break up advice like take a break from social media, delete him/her from your life, forgive, take yourself out on dates etc.  

However, I have a different set of strategies for you. Strategies I tried myself.

Ones that bring you the hope, joy and peace that you actually crave at a much faster pace and get you opening up for a new bae to enter into your life when you are ready and available emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically.

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

Haruki Murakami

Before we dive in, don’t forget to grab your free gift right here, and say GOODBYE to settling for less, kissing frogs, and wasting time in broken relationships…

Top 5 LOA Heart-Healing Techniques

1. List Ideal Guy Attributes

The first thing I did when I realised that I had to move on was re-write the definition of what an “ideal guy” was to me.

At that point I was more aware of what I wanted and didn’t want in my next partner. I also realised my own wrongdoings, and poor choices which led to my heartbreak. Basically, I was in a more knowledgeable, wiser position to create a brand new ideal for my dream partner, especially since I vowed to the Universe that a situation like that will never happen to me again.

As such, I grabbed a pen and couple sheets of paper to manually write out the attributes my ideal guy will possess.

These attributes were:

Specific

Non-Negotiable

Fundamental

I was very clear on what I was looking for, the areas in which I wanted to upgrade and the key things I would accept from my next romantic partnership, so that when I do meet this guy, I’ll be able to identify him easily.

For everything I didn’t want or didn’t like about my previous partners, I turned them into a positive in this exercise. For e.g. if he used to smoke or drink too much, my ideal healthy partner can be listed as “smoke-free” or “sober”.

This renewed list of what I was looking for in a partner made me see all the ways in which my ex and I were not right for each other in the greater scheme of things, and gave me the hope that after this person the only thing I can do is upgrade because I know now more than ever how I wish to be treated by someone.

After I created this list, I read through it every night before bed.

2. List Ideal Emotions

Secondly, I noted every single “Ideal Emotion” I could think of feeling with my “Ideal Guy”.

This was important for me because in my previous relationship I was not made to feel safe, protected, or truly loved.

So again I rewrote the script on how I wanted to feel in a healthy relationship with my ideal guy.

In a nutshell, I knew that I wanted to feel:

Safe

Loved

Wanted

Protected

Equally Yolked

Enough

Peaceful

By focusing on the emotions and feelings I wished to experience in my healthy relationship, it strangely, quickly turned me off of my previous ex. Like, how dare he not make me feel good?! How dare he treat me like I was insignificant?!

Suddenly my threshold of tolerance for anyone who treated me like crap was soooooo low.

I knew that I deserved to feel special in my next relationship and would accept nothing less.

I wanted to know what it felt like to be treated like a Queen in a relationship, so anyone who acted as a barrier to that success had to go.

Every time I read my “Ideal Guy” attributes, I thought about those equally ideal emotions, and every night I fell asleep with a hopeful smile on my face.

READ MORE: Top 7 Badass Takeaways For Women From The Captivating “You Are A Badass”: A Book Review

3. Vision Board

It may sound silly to some, but I took things a step further and created a vision board for the love life I wished to have in the near future.

I created a private vision board on Pinterest which had photos of romantic quotes, couples in love and different types of images that represented the type of exciting relationship I’d love to have.

Every time I scrolled through my vision board I just felt so hopeful and thankful that a life like that was still out there waiting for me.

Seeing my ideal relationship in a physical, visual way such as this was my way of putting my dreams and desires out into the Universe.

What you focus on consciously and subconsciously will result in what you create in your physical reality. What you give your attention to will attract more of that into your life, regardless of if it’s positive or negative.

So, by looking at my love life vision board every single day, I was aware that I was sending subliminal messages to my subconscious mind that this is what I want, and I wanted to see more of it in my reality.

4. Gratitude Journaling

The 4th thing that I did to get over my ex and move on was begin a gratitude journal routine.

In present tense I wrote different sentences which evoked gratitude for the new person and new relationship that I desired to attract into my life every morning.

I wrote as if this person and relationship had already entered into my life.

The key was to start off every sentence with, “I’m so happy and grateful…”

For example, one day a sentence can read: “I’m so happy and grateful for my healthy, loving, committed relationship with my partner”.

Every day that I write these gratitude affirmations, I know that I am energetically and magnetically connecting myself to the physical manifestation of my heart’s desires.

5. Meditation Love Ritual

The last, but most powerful technique I incorporated into my heartbreak-healing routine was to actively let go of any of the past relationships that may be harbouring me subconsciously from moving forward.

I knew that I needed to let go of the stories and limiting beliefs that boosted and fed my negative outlooks on love to open up the energetic flow of new love entering my life in the right time.

To do this, I actually began sending love to my exes, especially the last one.

I called to mind each one and sent love, forgiveness, gratitude and well-wishes their way, regardless of how they treated me or made me feel.

It was very uncomfortable, but I knew that I was doing it for me.

In order to attract love, I wanted to be in harmony with love, not in harmony with the absence of it.

So for 5 minutes a day I’d send love to those who hurt me, and send love right back to myself. Then, I’d let it all go and choose to be happy no matter what.

I focused on my goals, improving myself, finding my own happiness and maximizing my singleness.

I wanted to master being whole on my own and within myself before I allowed myself to enter into another romantic relationship.

And I’m still on that journey.

READ NEXT: How To Exude Effortless Confidence As A Woman (Even When You Don’t Feel Attractive Or Good Enough)

The Reality

These were the 5 law of attraction techniques I used to get over my worst breakup and move on in a healthy way.

I want you to try them as well.

But it wasn’t easy. Some days it was a challenge. The reality of not speaking every day or not trying to resolve conflicts as my new normal was actually foreign and weird. I missed having him in my life and as the saying goes, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

I still wished I was speaking to him. Like a chronic smoker, drug addict or alcoholic who stops their vice cold turkey, I had terrible days of withdrawal symptoms and emotional detoxing.

However, learning to love myself, respect myself, accept myself and see myself as worthy of healthy love became a far more important quest than going back and forth in circles with someone who was confused and doubtful about me.

Now, more than anything I’m striving toward creating my dream life on my own terms more than I am even thinking about getting involved with someone new. And it feels so good to have a mission and purpose that adds light and life to my days.

These are all things I want for you.

In the beginning you may feel weird, woo-woo and completely disconnected from these exercises. But trust me, just keep doing them! As the days go by you’ll feel yourself closing the door to the bad experiences of your past and opening a brand new one to the new people you’re wiser, more mature and ready for.

Complete these rituals for 30 days then get back to me with your experiences.

And if all else fails, here’s your back up plan: the top apps for healing heartbreak.

Over to You

What’s your bad break up story & how did you get over it?

Share your secrets, hacks, tips & tricks in the comments.

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